When coming to London I had these expectations that this experience would be the college experience I hadn’t had yet. I thought it would be non-stop party and new friends that would last a lifetime. But the adjustment hasn’t been that easy. Yet, as much as there has been confusion in registration, Oyster cards, and tipping, I can’t help but love the imperfections. Where in the past I would have been devastated by my expectations not being met to the tiniest detail, this time around I think it’s been refreshing. Something about me has changed since being here. I was always particular, needing to have everything go exactly my way, but in this past week or so, I have learned to let go a little. Maybe because I’m beginning to accept that not everything about me will always be how I like it. There are things that I can’t change no matter how much I wish I could. This self-acceptance has a long way to go but was brought about by my decision to filter the noise. To actively listen to what’s happening in my head and decipher what actions and desires are coming from me and not from external influences.
When I watch movies I tend to get caught up in the character development. I see their struggles and can’t help equating it in the smallest way to some of the things that I am going through. For example, in Alice In Wonderland, Alice is trying to decide what path to take, does she marry Hamish and let everyone else dictate how she should act and live, or does she find an alternative route? I was particularly taken by the moment in the plot where Absolem says that the Vorpal sword knows what it wants, and all you have to do is hold onto it. Alice slays the Jabberwocky with the sword, and it shows her that she shouldn’t marry Hamish but instead work in her father’s company. She listened to the sword, held onto it and it pointed her in the right direction, and guided her until her task was complete. I saw the sword as my intuition, it knows what kind of person I will become and what I will do and want to do, all I have to do is embrace it and hold on tight.
As I was having lunch above the Borough Market, all of these thoughts came to light. Chandler and I were discussing who we were now and how it fit in with the rest of our story. It was a gloomy day but all of a sudden, the sun shone through window so bright and so clear, as if it was some other being was confirming that this was the beginning of our journey towards destiny. London has shown me a lot so far, and maybe it won’t be this perfect college experience, but I have a feeling it is going to be a lot more.